Pricks I have Known No. 5 - The Single Woman nearing Forty
The single woman nearing forty has started to obsess about ovulation. Surely it is nearly time for her womb to shrivel up, and the deadliest of all beasts, menopause, to set in? To this end she frets unduly, and any change of body temperature induces an endorphin fuelled rush of fear - before realising she has left the thermostat too high. Babies have become the point of existence, the reason for living. She must reproduce. It is a primal and irrational desire. Only six months ago the very thought made the single woman shudder in horror and reach for an extra packet of Trojan ultra-thin ribbed and horny Wild Stallion bumper pack. But now - black, brown, yellow, pink - any baby will do. She scours the streets seeking out her prey: a suitable mate. Possible candidates are subjected to the utmost scrutiny. The single woman has honed the art of rejection to perfection, and she can tell at twenty paces a premature ejaculator, a freakish genetic structure, and that most hated of the male species, a commitment phobe.
The single woman no longer takes comfort in her shoe collection, Martinis after work or browsing through Bloomingdales. Too proud to cancel her subscription to Marie Claire magazine, she instead indulges her fantasies of Motherhood online, and spends hours in chatrooms communicating in semaphoric text abbreviation with other barren wombs. wot u going 2 call urs mine will be called genny cute yeh?
She takes comfort in the fact noone will ever think a highly intelligent, independent and creative woman could indulge in such hormonally depraved acts. For the single woman nearing forty is terrified to admit to her fellow female friends - they whom have obsessed over Brad Pitt and compared dildoes together - that she is considering giving it all up, in order to become a slave - to the cradle.
This period will last perhaps six months, and then the single woman will sensible decide to date a younger male instead and indulge her mother fantasies and raging libido with wild, uncontrollable sex.
Tina honey, this one's for you. I'll miss you and Bon Giorno sweetie.xx
The single woman no longer takes comfort in her shoe collection, Martinis after work or browsing through Bloomingdales. Too proud to cancel her subscription to Marie Claire magazine, she instead indulges her fantasies of Motherhood online, and spends hours in chatrooms communicating in semaphoric text abbreviation with other barren wombs. wot u going 2 call urs mine will be called genny cute yeh?
She takes comfort in the fact noone will ever think a highly intelligent, independent and creative woman could indulge in such hormonally depraved acts. For the single woman nearing forty is terrified to admit to her fellow female friends - they whom have obsessed over Brad Pitt and compared dildoes together - that she is considering giving it all up, in order to become a slave - to the cradle.
This period will last perhaps six months, and then the single woman will sensible decide to date a younger male instead and indulge her mother fantasies and raging libido with wild, uncontrollable sex.
Tina honey, this one's for you. I'll miss you and Bon Giorno sweetie.xx
MIMI IN NY | 9:07 PM |
